Once you become a mom you become a manager. You suddenly oversee everything for someone else (and maybe even multiple someone’s), and let’s face it, if you’re in a relationship, you’re probably overseeing 20% of their shit, too.
Once you become a mom you have transcended from singular to earthly. You’re intuition peaks around your cubs and you will move heaven and hell to protect them, care for them, and keep them in line.
Once you become a mom (and it might take some time for this one to set in) you realize those wild, carefree nights of your past are just that. At least for a temporary while. You’ll get back to wild, carefree nights, you might just be heavily reliant on anti-wrinkle serums and able to receive 10% off your coffee on Tuesday’s for the senior special, but they’ll be there again.
I think this notion finally set in for me when my second cub joined the pack. Seriously. I used to think I could still be wild and free, but for now the only thing wild and free are my kids. Parenting is not easy. It’s hard. It will challenge and stretch you in ways you couldn’t even explain until it happens to you. Then one day you catch a glimpse of yourself in another mom, struggling with a tired toddler at Target, and you’ll nod, flash her the crypt sign and help each other take solace for even that second of time that you’re not alone.
Once you become a mom your heart is constantly ripped in ways you didn’t think possible. A child is actually a piece of your heart and soul that’s taken this amazing little human form and is now living it’s own life. It’s hard and incredible and painful and tiring and fulfilling. It’s literally the circle of life, and its come full-circle for you. Make sure you realize that before you find yourself yearning for those baby days over your wild, carefree nights. The wild times will come again but those quiet ones where your little soul lets you rub their feet to your face and kiss their tummy won’t.
I’m writing all this because I’ve been feeling a huge shift in my thinking and actions lately. My working-mom-daycare-guilt is a demon I battle every morning. I am in a space in my life where I truly enjoy my job and have a great gig going. The thought of giving it up is not really in my mind, but the second I think of my kids my heart is in my throat and I can’t process if what I’m doing is right. So for all you moms out there in my shoes right now, this one especially is for you. My heart and head are with you and until we figure out that balance of whatever it is we are searching for know that someone else has that same message in a bottle out to the universe. Some days are easier than others, some days are harder. Today was a harder one and for no real reason other than life. Saying goodbye to my two smiles in the morning makes me ache, but seeing them back again in the afternoon makes my heart explode into fireworks and beam hearing about their day. Maybe that’s the focus until that balance shows itself.
Stay high, momma.